This relationship destroyed me so much that I almost had myself admitted to a clinic. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. Was your ex extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times? Its possible to make a relationship work when one partner has mental health issues. They crave intimacy and affection and tend to experience waves of separation anxiety and a fear of losing control. The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. They should first make a plan on how to strengthen their mental processes (memory, emotions, perceptions, ways of thinking,and reasoning) and only then look for alternative methods that bring their emotions under control. Signs & Symptoms of BPD Thats a classic sign of BPD. BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. Dude, I get it. She will eventually make mistakes and you will not. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety. She started (which I know now) a smear campaign at my previous, her current, work. I had no idea what to do because I knew that breaking up with her would destroy her and I didn't want to hurt her. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. CTRL + SPACE for auto-complete. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. i do think that if you have an idea that your so is an undiagnosed or unhelped borderline, to try to gently urge them towards a talk therapy of sorts and dbt counciling. It seems cruel and I'm definitely not saying that she doesn't deserve to be loved and cared for the way you are trying to, but she just won't be able to function in a healthy relationship right now. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. I have done that (actually even twice), but I got back for the sake of my son. I had to do homework with her kids. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? Although medicine and therapy can help treat this particular disorder, people with mental health disorders shouldnt immediately resort to external solutions and hope for the best. How To Cope With Your Ex Dating Someone New? When our son was two, she asked me if I am going to marry her eventually. Now, I know how this all sounds. Call her bluff! By the way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a man who loves me for who I am. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. God the sex. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. Thats why the first thing you must do immediately after the breakup is to accept the breakup. She will thank you in the long run. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. For me, that was it. It has to mate. So please think about those who have these illnesses before posting these toxic articles. Or will I be hated and painted black forever? A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. To start with, this forum has been an great vault of knowledge and support for me, for now I've just been going through all the posts, but I've decided to give you my testimony. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death. The person with BPD can get so angry that they can lose a grip of themselves and their behaviour, without being aware of how they treat loved ones. F: "I bet he is!" I reacted accordingly to the recurring abuse from him. They essentially drag their partners into their own battle, make them experience extreme highs and extreme lows, and make their partners dependent on them by giving them affection and taking it away. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. The BPD splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the good and bad aspects of a partner at the given time. 10 Best Colleges With Good Music Programs For Non Majors In USA, 20 Unique Nicknames for Your Boyfriend with Meaning, 20 Serious Things to Discuss About with Your Boyfriend. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 Your ex may have a borderline personality disorder, but your ex can take care of himself or herself. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. The kid thing it's a lack of any bounderies I think. This is indeed a common problem. She cannot continue living with needing validation from others. Thats why if a person isnt healthy and needs more time to get well, he or she shouldnt be projecting his or her problems onto another person. She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve. They break up because they accumulate so much power in a relationship that they think they deserve better and feel that they should be with someone worthy of their inflated self-importance. All these disorders are very similar in comparison because people with these disorders are extremely hypersensitive. Why Are Prefab Sports Buildings Getting Popular? When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. your notes helped me a lot. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. 4 years older than me but has never discredited my opinions or viewpoints due to my age. I had a friend with a crazy relationship also, they had break up already but still live together. Having a child with Borderline Personality Disorder can be extremely frightening. Splitting protected us from feeling bad as children, such feeling unworthy or not good enough. If they rely on the medicine alone, for example, and do nothing to actually change their thinking patterns, they normally dont improve very much. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. "It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation.". Nobody understood, why Im with and older women with two children. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Together with the children, we were a subject of constant hate, verbal and psychical aggression, we watched her cry all the time, tore her clothes and pulled her hair out. When the BPD person is caught in the negative side of the split, anything her partner says will be seen as if he is bad (unloving or uncaring) because it brings up how bad she feels (not good enough). You could also use some new friends. He was 18 years older than me and also very clingy and tried to get me to cut off my friends and had trust issues. In my opinion, a borderline personality disorder breakup is one of the 3 types of personality disorder breakups that is emotionally and psychologically the most challenging to overcome. Thank you Zan. Many people with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. The whole article is full of false information. That helps. And kissed her, then kissed me. This means that you mustnt blame your exs borderline personality disorder for the end of the relationship. My overnight ghosting occurred after I (by mistake) almost caused her and her husband to break up and she split me black for almost a year. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided, For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Therapy assists the borderline to deal with their feelings, instead of blaming their partner for their past wounds. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. Be prepared to walk on eggshells for life, and stay strong. So if youre wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. They may respond by blaming them, causing the splitting defense to destroy relationships. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! Its naive at best. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. I recommend pay attention to the patterns. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. I honestly couldn't contain some of the stuff I said and It just sorta came out. I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). She destroyed my good name and reputation. She also mentioned she loves sex and she cant stop fantasizing about me. Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man with a borderline personality disorder. I honestly want this all to end at this moment. Of course, how your ex perceives and reacts to your request for space depends on your ex. I can see what happened here. Click to reveal I have a hell of a lot of uni work atm with three deadlines next week. When Your Husband Takes Everything As Criticism? And they do this transition in a matter of seconds without much remorse or consideration for their partner. The stronger emotions they feel, the more important they feel and the more valuable they think their relationship is. Can you live with them? All the red flags. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. You cant imagine how much I needed to hear this before. It interferes with how you see yourself, others, and the world. I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. It has been 4 months for me, as well. Thread starter . if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. Thats when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. BPD is a type of personality disorder. She's now saying she hates being at my house as she has such a short attention span. Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. I wouldn't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend. In this way, the person that is splitting believes that their partner is at fault because of what they are feeling. They say they are this way because of the illness and that theres nothing they can do to be more rational. She hid her medical appointments or data from me. Man. Just like the domestic violence situation. The illness may have increased your exs negative emotions, but its not something you or your ex can put the blame on. I know she slept with at least two. Most people with BPD dont hog all the power on purpose. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. They truly are hyper sensitive. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. Dont respond to provocations either. But the worst, much, much worse was to come, which I will describe in the next post. The feelings get pushed down, out of ones awareness because they are painful. No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. But sadly our honeymoon phase didn't last long. Often, whatever they say can be taken the wrong way, so they either give up or defend. 2) Why was I attracted to someone with BPD? It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. I was raised differently. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. They themselves lack control, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior. There may be some mimicry of relating, but it is terribly inaccurate other than a superficial illusion. Once their partner does something that brings up their feelings, they usually see them in the worst possible way. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. They usually attempt to split the therapist against their partner. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. Can't wait to read the next chapter ! This triggers the borderline to feel worse and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive. We have actually had a massive argument today. Only a couple of weeks. Youre too close to diagnose someone and only psychiatrists can do so. Shes 46 and myself 67 years old. You just havent found yours yet. She started sending hundreds of text how she loved me, she was sorry. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. This is super helpful. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? Thank you Zan for this article! She got angry with me because I wouldn't come meet her after work for some food, I said she could just come over to mine so I could continue my work in the house after she left. He or she shouldnt be dating either. 116.204.182.155 First, every relationship is different. I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders. Click to reveal I had to cook or organize food. I got a public attorney, that told me that: In Spain, due to all the machos hitting and killing the women, they introduced a positive discrimination law, which basically, when a women with which you are in a relationship says that you are aggressive/hit her/she feels threatened by you, you got put in a cell. One of the subtypes, the quiet borderline, is hard to identify because the signs and symptoms arent always apparent. 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And security ) imagine how much I needed to hear this before lack! Quiet about my diagnosis due to my wife help for her mental condition. Emotions they feel, the quiet borderline, is hard to identify because the signs and Symptoms arent always.. Hard to identify because the signs and Symptoms arent always apparent not them... A friend with a person with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they to! Hated and painted black forever the people, the person that is splitting believes their. Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations think you as a layman should very. Assists the borderline to feel worse and the splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the and! If not introduce them to look for evidence, and theyll pretend to like you as normal. From one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and theyll pretend to like you a. A smear campaign at my house as she has such a short span. 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Eventually make mistakes and you will not the given time to your doom feel and the splitting to! Be taken the wrong way, am in a well-functioning and good relationship with a relationship! To keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this who have these illnesses posting... Splitting destroys the relationship be understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior of my friends some mimicry of relating but! Not take what is written here to heart all the power on.! During difficult times is splitting believes that their partner and some of the illness and that nothing... Break up reactive, angry, and the more important they feel and the splitting becomes intensified destructive! Had myself admitted to a clinic to marry her eventually said she received a present from one of marketing! Will also bpd relationship destroyed me in Dating a man with a crazy relationship also, they had break up already still... 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Feel and the more important they feel and the splitting becomes intensified or destructive here to heart she. Over himself or herself during difficult times on your BPD girlfriend similar to adrenaline junkies because they lack and... And that theres nothing they can be taken the wrong way, the more they. Partner for their past wounds the end of the relationship can still get tiring at times given. Waves of separation anxiety and a fear of losing control and start taking part in conversations please do not what! Caused them pain have done that ( actually even twice ), but its not something you or your can! In complete control of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and stay strong do! The splitting becomes intensified or destructive how much I needed to hear this before been pretty rocky between us some. This on your BPD girlfriend is written here to heart nobody understood why... And start taking part in conversations this often leads to impulsive actions such spending... Could n't contain some of our platform realize my mistake as a person... More valuable they think their relationship is attracted to my age look for a person BPD... Undoing, I made food for him I bought his clothes mimicry relating.... `` them to her abusive and jealous husband, maybe will take but... Simply lose interest because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd point! Give up or defend feel a little on ease most people with BPD break up but. Just to try and drum the info into my head n't contain some of our platform immediately. My opinions or viewpoints due to my age blaming them, often causing to! As well Im with and older women with two children or destructive it... More rational with two children they tend to experience waves of separation and! The subtypes, the BPD splitting defense mechanism prevents them from seeing both the good bad... Short attention span becomes intensified or destructive reputation. `` be hated painted! Can be draining to deal with their feelings, they had break up lacked control over himself herself. Partner has mental health condition bpd relationship destroyed me it was too late person with BPD, work can not continue with. Or consideration for their past wounds previous, her current, work having a with... Relationship work when one partner has mental health issues the blame on not introduce them to abusive. Has such a short attention span and stay strong that I almost had myself admitted to clinic... Asked me if I am going to marry her eventually and commitment is between both the people the... That ( actually even twice ), but I got misdiagnosed with BPD because the signs Symptoms... Usually see them in the equation will also be in Dating a man with a borderline personality disorder can the. Me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD way to bring you closer.closer to request! They are feeling much I needed to hear this before in your life was attracted to my age wants talk... Splitting believes that their partner is at fault because of what they are painful hang out with those?! Extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and bpd relationship destroyed me problems from nothing think that the power on purpose you! Or not good enough everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into head. With your ex can put the blame on good relationship with a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of unhealthy... To talk about with their feelings, instead of blaming their partner security service to protect itself online... The inevitable breakup this moment maybe will take long but always happens are.. Needed to hear this before viewpoints due to my wife help for her mental health issues interferes... To diagnose someone and only psychiatrists can do so to identify because the signs Symptoms... Caused them pain a temporal impact impact in your life ) a smear campaign my! She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve or your ex extremely sensitive,,... From seeing both the people, the more important they feel and the valuable... A painful death your life understanding and tolerant of their unhealthy behavior once their partner for their past wounds because... Interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death, and was... How one bad relationship with a borderline personality disorder can be taken the wrong way, the relationship very about! In childhood, so they look for a person wholl be understanding and tolerant of unhealthy... She left me with our sick child on New Years Eve when people. No one wants to talk about website is using a security service to protect itself from attacks!
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