This really resonated with me. and our Perhaps your partner tries to control what . Why Do I Keep Fantasizing About Being a Kept Woman? We are. But it is not your fault. * Education: If he went to a good university or has a graduate degree from a reputable school, chances are high he makes more than the median income. This guy thought he was middle class but he grew up in a town with average incomes over 250k. All rights reserved. Were there any clues that he was questioning his sexuality? It's hard to empathise with . I get that digital messaging is smoother than messy talk with real people, but calling the police on a baseless hunch, without even trying to phone your friend first, seems sad. If these conversations havent happened in the five years youve been together, its important that you have them now. how to get likes on dating apps as a male? He has a girlfriend.". I think I can relate with how you feel. Over time, what I originally thought of as positive encouragement began to seem like snobby judgment, and I just couldnt relate to him anymore. I grew up poor and worked 50-60 hours a week while battling some serious health issues. She lived in the projects and said her family of 5 would struggle to survive on an income of 20,000 a year. should the dog need . The problem you have isnt with your prospective in-laws, regardless of whether the frequent mentions of the member who married down are intentional or benign. It takes 15 minutes! The life I had built with him, the city I was in because of him, my plans to marry him and be part of his family, the friends who knew us as a couple for so long, the thought of telling my parents that he was gay. It was very, very emotional, and he began by saying I need to tell you something. Of course, I immediately thought he had cheated on me, but I was blown away when he instead said I think I am gay.. Understandably, its hard to completely empathise with the economic decisions someone makes in life, such as which university to go to, how much to spend on groceries per week, and what constitutes date night, when youve never been from the same socio-economic bracket. For instance, how many people are able to enjoy a lavish lifestyle because of their richer partner and feel like they owe it to their partners to stay in the relationship? She fought hard and doesn't want to depend on you. This is how I feel. She has never experienced that. When I first moved to New . Youll want to really understand how you both think and feel about marriage (if you both want that), your respective careers (how youll balance them with other priorities), kids (whether you both want them and, if so, how many), child care (who will do what and at what stage of their life), lifestyle issues (where and how you want to live), values (what matters to each of you) and, of course, money. My relationship is kinda like yours, I'm from an upper class family and never have to worry about money, my bf grew up in a lower middle class family and even though his family has a lot more money now, he hasn't benefited from it and is barely getting by right now. As his girlfriend of six years, I am invited with the caveat that I pay my own way. What's it like to do Teach For America? My boyfriend says the financial matters should be between him, his brother, and his parents. My immediate reaction was to support himbecause he was so emotional. Theres no one-size-fits-all model for how couples share their finances, and that also might change as the relationship does (from dating to marriage, from long-distance to living under the same roof, from pre-kids to life with kids, from one person earning more to the other earning more). Oh gosh. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Because neither of us has two little kids who were on summer vacation. It comes down to the particulars of the person and the hits they happened to take going through life that stung especially much. My boyfriend tells me that his parents are making sure the money they give is roughly even, but every time I ask him to be precise on this he gives conflicting answers or doesn't know. I have to post on this because it's so familiar. While to you, having your parents pick up the bill is not a big deal, to her it may seem like they are acknowledging the fact that she has less money by offering to pay - and therefore feeding those insecurities that she doesn't quite 'fit in'. Be My Boyfriend: With Shin Hyun-Seung, Lee Si-woo, Daekyum Ahn, Lee Hyun Park. By signing up you agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement. In truth, it seems sort of crummy that he hasnt suggested this himself. Its easiest to say that, no, I didnt have any clue. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Short term ease back some. At the beginning of the relationship, she put on this whole penthouse princess routine, and would ask me about my plans to get rich in the future, Ryan said. Did you live together? I have the potential to make up to 200-300k in the future. But I was also really and truly stunned. Guys don't care nearly enough about their partners wealth as much as women do. After he came out to me I tried to be supportive but working together when he still didnt want to come out to others and having to lie about why we broke up really took a toll on me. I would catch a glimpse of his relationship with money whenever we went out. It isn't healthy for her to be angry with them over something like that. There are instances where I don't really want to go out to eat if I'm the one paying for it. Don't worry, help is on it's wayand we'll be back up and running soon! And, while, for some families that may be true, that's not really why the rich marry the rich. He was angry that I couldnt be there for him for awhile. There's that old joke about how every happy family is basically the same but dysfunctional ones are all broken in their own unique way; the same thing applies here. Your girlfriend may be fortunate in her privileged upbringing, but its taken her just as long to find a real and realistic mate so theres an example of equality of opportunity for starters. When I was buying my house he matched my savings so I could have a bigger deposit (20% down) as he was impressed with the research I'd done into the market etc. I was a shit head teenager so they never offered me much. Has your experience with him affected your romantic life at all? HOWEVER, from your girlfriend's perspective, your life is literally one of "pampering" and "spoiling." He had emotionally left the relationship long before he informed me and he didnt understand why I wasnt just over it like he was. That's not a bad thing! I was angry at him for seeking happiness. It might be helpful for you to consider the situation through your boyfriends eyes. I'd rather save money and cook at home. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. What advice would you give to others who have gone through something similar? In general, you have a point; OP should let his girlfriend be as independent as he can, split stuff, do stuff at her level. I literally found out yesterday that the man Ive been dating for the last 2.5yrs is gay. I guess I dont fear that Ill date a gay guy again, although sometimes I joke about that with my friends. Weirdly, this new dread of voice calling is not uncommon. Usually. Still, its been a decade now, and were still friends, albeit several states away from each other. EDIT: Guys, I know how this post sounds- I'm not saying its right, but it's true. I offered to fund college savings plans for the children and provided contact information to a trusted firm. You know what you want, you just need more time + energy to go after it. Updated at 10:55 a.m. In your case, it must be especially envy-provoking to be in close proximity to this kind of relief and not have access to it. Karley Sciortino writes the blog Slutever. That's exactly what Samantha did! With many other guys I met online, I wouldnt even bother to meet them in real life once I found out that they were obnoxiously wealthy. As much as I know I would still strive to pay for myself in a financially imbalanced relationship, and in fact never accept treats or favours that I cant pay for myself if I had to, just knowing someone else possesses a far better financial upper hand has always unnerved me. Our families were intertwined, we had our share of fights here & there but we loved each other so much. Legitimate worry about how the disparity in your life experiences will impact further down the line is different from actually believing you are in any way lesser. The result was a power dynamic in which she seemed to grow to expect his support in ways far beyond the financial, and eventually he felt she started taking it for granted. How I Finally Overcame My Commitment-Phobia, Shock, Horror: A Love Letter to Manly Men. This is a great opportunity for you to get clarity about whats behind this anger and envy, and to open up a deeper conversation with your boyfriend about how you both feel about the money you each bring to this relationship. In addition to this, I get where your girlfriend is coming from. I would talk it out. I twice moved to new places for his job, leaving my job and restarting my life alongside his. Your Partner Exhibits Controlling Behavior. I was happy sexually and emotionally. Jerry Oppenheimer, Crazy Rich: Power, Scandal and Tragedy Inside the Johnson & Johnson Dynasty. I worked part-time as a waitress at a Chinese restaurant and lived in a particularly awful Bushwick apartment in which, to access the bathroom or kitchen, you had to exit the building and enter through a separate door. He was also very easy to talk to. I certainly love the things that money can buy me: food, concert tickets, holidays, cars, houses, and so on. I think in a lot of ways poverty is like the military. Everything is out the window now, the world and future I was planning can never be and has completely dissolved. was it obvious? Growing up, my upper middle class parents taught me the most important life skill from the moment I knew what money was: the ability to save. But in romantic relationships, the issue is unavoidable. This is just a reminder that some people will not have the same struggle and still get better results. I truly cant imagine how much more difficult it would have been if it was a long-term partnership. Its sad that although privilege is no longer considered any guarantee of success, a man in love should be experiencing a class struggle within his own relationship. That's exactly what happened to Carol in 2008. Touching story I am so glad that you were able to see this fairly to your ex boyfriends side But its understandable that you were experiencing such a range of confusing and negative emotions As someone who is more or less lesbian it is really heartening to see someone who has been through something like this be understanding of what we go through While I know now that I love women I am still not sure about men and I d hate to be in a situation like this For me, and for him. I was plunged into poverty in High School. Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by johnnyr860, Mar 27, 2014. My girlfriend saw my wealth as a personal defect, Ryan said. P.S. My guess is that you two havent sat down and talked about moneyI dont mean just the logistics of it, but what it represents to each of you. On the other hand, hard work is a necessity thats been ingrained in me from young. 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