10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore). God forbid I have lingering doubts about him. Thats the best you can do? Narcs cant admit real hurtespecially when they know you are finally serious about dumping them. Should I be concerned for my safety? Years in the making, this book creates a bridge between the. He said I was thinking stupid and that there was nothing there Next thing you know he ended it with me, totally ended it. As I said the last time we spoke, I am here for you if you want to talk to me and have some positive things to say. However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. I ran into a mutual friend at a bar one night, and she was one of his facebook friends. He met her and things scalated quickly to the point he is pretty much leaving me and our 3 year old. Yes, I told him finally a few months after we broke up in an email. March 11, 2021. Thanks for another good post, Kim. He actually hit me with a bag of garbage and then dumped the garbage over all of my belongings (which I was trying to get together at the time to physically leave.) I was hysterical and I called the police so they could help me get my belongings. If I tell him off about his narc behavior he accepts it. Im a widow too and hes the nieghborhood handyman. 2) accept it it kind of placed me in a situation where their support was conditional on my taking this risk.. But once the narcissist gets you into bed, theyll ghost you which will reintroduce you to the same cycle of narcissistic abuse youve just escaped. Omg the i cant believe i put up with my ex narc for a year and a half..he was a classic..he was insane to believe i didnt see his games but in my boredom..low self esteem and yes my own insanity i stayed..but in a weird way im happy i went through it because i know what one is and it will never happen again..and i learned alot about myself in the process..he will be turning 59 this year..its going to suck dying alone . Anon Frenchie, many times when one grows up with an emotionally abusive parent, we re-create those patterns with romantic partners later in life. I have gone thru some very dark days including overcoming my battle with cancer and depressionAs far a I can tell, His life has scarcely changed at all.Thank you for reaching out! He still sees me as his best friend. I wanted to be sure, he gets what I have to say. its been a month and he popped up again. He is now with a new supply I have been with no contact for 9 months. To all the women and men who have been victimized by any of the cluster B personality disordered types, my heart truly goes out to you. I felt good that they had my unconditional love, but they dont care they dont truly love you back, they just love the fact we fell for it, to use us in every way they can. Josi. So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. You have to find a way to get your own closure. Another something else etc. She knows about the breakup and I tell her Im avoiding him, which she understands. Protect yourself and your children but be very wise about it. If he made these threatening statements, you never know if he will make good on them. Thank you. I was screaming inside! My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. i knew that but this.. and just now? Good luck. Others might disagree with me but if you act all nice with him you are actually showing them to take his abuse and forgive when no forgiveness was asked for nor any repentance shown. But it still hurts. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. There was no intimate way of the two of them in the pictures, but she also emailed him how fun it would be to get a hotel room together in Daytona for an upcoming show. I think they see the vulnerability, the good in people and exploit it. Liberating to a degree. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience. Is that possible with a family that is as religious as you guys? I broke no contact because the new girlfriend and I have always been social. What does he want from me? Believe me, since she is not diagnosed, it has been hard for me to pinpoint just what her disorder is. Mostly, its the Narcissist sending little texts, showing up at your door with flowers, coming to you because theyve had a life-changing epiphany where, through some kind of divine intervention, theyve been shown the pain and sorrow they put you through and promise to change. I believe she was a waif borderline; much more passively aggressive and secret about things which messed with my head worse than the others. I just ignore it. Thanks for the forum and support, its a terrible experience taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing the thing you loved in its flesh. I hope this helps anyone suffering from harsh words of narcs, who got exposed. Or, did you finally leave and are now being stalked like an episode of Investigation Discovery,complete withlove-bombing and hooveringto the nth degree? You need to work on your self worth. I havent said anything to her because i dont want to come off as paranoid, but I dont want her to have to go thru what I did either. Now he refuses to move out and keep professing to take his stuff out. He came back home slowly moved his stuff back in the span of two days told my best friend a lie on where he was going. They just dont get it. I know several. So condescending. She promised to pay back every dime. They see a therapist because theyve got a genuine desire to improve their lives not only for themselves but for their friends and family members. I was one of his secrets too! But that is better than being an emotional wreck every day like I was in the beginning. I feel i filed my husband why did he ride me down and sought me out just to destroy me and throw me away . But that I really didnt care, because at the time, I needed the support that he gave me and even though it was fake, it got me thru it. It is all a game to them So theyll get in there first. I had the good fortune to meet someone shortly after my final break up. I have to say his drama is entertaining at times. Today was the first day i realized that the love i had for her is gone. Narcs and Psychos dont do this. Only a tiny moment of happiness getting his egosuply. Your articles give me the strength to keep going. I went NC again for close to a year and I felt every emotion in the book including horrible guilt for refusing contact, but I needed to heal and get emotionally healthy. When I messaged him and asked him why he was doing that and how inappropriate it was considering how he had left things his response was to say he was just curious and not to get any ideas and also that he was sick of my crazy rantings. Third, they like having more than one source of supply because when they get bored with one, theyll just start a fight and then go off with the other for a while. I got the silent treatment for a week.. Then he texted wanting to know if I still loved him because he was lost and scared and alone and didnt have his guiding light anymore. I would have worked with her on that. Obviously was with him. Made me believe i was stupid let me no he only loves his self . Reading your comment was as if I had written it myself. He lies about his past, even when I know things, he still lies. A Narc will do the same thing to his next target. His woman whisperer persona was how he manipulated women he had by now been fired from his job and he and Kym were arguing and he wanted to move back in with me. Thank you for the objectivity. Unlike your ex, mine doesnt cop to anything hes done. They're ignoring you and making themselves inaccessible to you. I needed support for the situation with my mother. Wow thank you this is was my life of the last six years hitting g ever nerve then when I got to the letter It click this was my relationship God bless anyone who is dating these gross humans. I consider myself in recovery, but my life is 500% better. Narcissism is a psychological disorder that afflicts both women and men. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) [] committed?) if I feel at all uncomfortable I would not hesitate to go NC but for now limited contact has worked for last few years. The ex-wife and her husband didnt want to have any relationship with him. If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. If you had started dating him again it would not have been long before he would have discarded you again. So this is a Choice them make My story is a little different I THINK. Be careful Eden. I am trying to encourage a relationship between him and kids. http://www.stovolando.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-10-at-20.06.04.png. She recently moved in with him, I believe. Never tekst me called me nothing. Everyday its a struggle to get back to myself and he has caused so much emotional damage. All Very Shocking & Very Sad Acting as if the world revolves only around them. Even when we know it is not our fault, and start to see things clearer, there are still those days where it hurts like it was yesterday. He was cool and calm and thought he was in control until I declined his offer with certainty. I know what that feels like. While he has his Triumph. He has to live with this 24/7 negativity in his life. Of course I found that out much later. This is the point I look back on and realise I was so in love with her the rational part oif my brain stopped working. Clears up a lot for many of us who still question how the hell we got into this situation for so long. I just got an email last week after 7 years. Its no secret that narcissists are good in bed, and they know this. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. My ex used to brag about how well he and his ex got along. There are some signs to look out for that signal a narcissist is coming to the 'discard' phase in the relationship. Every time he comes back he says how sorry he is, how awful and miserable his life is without me, how he has no direction and no reason to live. I believe you are a very special and beautiful woman, and believe it or not, I really do care a lot about you. Please tell me what helped you. I ran over and tapped on the window and was abruptly told to go away and the guy in the drivers seat was her brother. Even if they treated you horrifically at the end or you told them never to contact you, there is a possibility they might return. Never heard from him again. Remaining friends with your narcissistic ex-partner is something youll need to consider carefully because narcissists are complicated people. I did things again for myself and felt happy, he contact me again. The plain people are t so perfect my heart aches for what I know and Im so grateful for my station in life and enjoy that out here in my English world, I have means to escape if I need to. But in the meantime we are just friend. That may be a clue. I am not happy as love sick single on holiday. Im loving him from a distance while trying to forget him. When we met, he expected me to go (I declined) and expressed my concern that he wanted to go without me. Youve been emotionally and financially abused and cast-off like a paper bag from McDonalds. He cant put up with that. I no longer care if hes thinking of me or not as I am moving on and doing so quickly. Much appreciated. Then i got weak again. Yes, and not for the reasons a normal person would want their ex back. So I fled to clear my head, get all the support legal and otherwise, and am now returning to finslise this. He had the nerve to ask if I still hated him??!! The illness ot causes tumors has been back for 10 months.New and long gone with the other woman, I am not part of his circle of friends and family. His cold and indifferent. Sadly I still Love him dearly, despite losing everything & him calling the Police & threatening to get me put in Jail !!!!!!!!!!. He has given you NOTHING and is just TAKING. [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. About 95% of the time we got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company. When he came bak he hated me and punished me . Also, while he was here, I told him I couldnt find the remote to my livingroom tv; I wasnt sure I packed it up in his stuff when he left that night but I told him if he happened to come across it, fine. What is the next message I receive? Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. After going through the stages of a breakup, an ex will reconsider their decision- once they don't feel certain about the breakup. I know now by reading much also from mr Sam Vaknin that i am a Invert Narcist and like most women of N have HSP High sensitive. However, if they dont want to see him, I wouldnt go out on a limb for him unless there is some sort of court order in place. My narc has ignored me for 9 months until last week when he approached me about our home. Replies appreciated! I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires. Theyll text, call, send you emails and flood your DMs with their foolishness. (Ignoring would be better), but you have to hold fast to what you know is right. We were promised for years what was going to happen at the end even split, but no. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . To make sure you know that her behavior had NOTHING to do with you. Slowly they will forget about you and move on. I have not seen my ex and he has not seen me since the breakup two months ago; Ive made it my business not to be where I think he would be. It lasted a week and I kicked him out. excessive use of exclamation points I just hope this doesnt turn out to me a disaster. Be genuinely loving. and the list could go on and on.. No matter what you do, dont do, say, dont say This is a terrible blow to the narcissists self-esteem, and it will activatenarcissistic rage. I am trying desperately to break away but it has been not even 24 hours since last contact and Im clinging to the sad hope that hell reach out to me. I find it really interesting and insightful. They may just reel you back in and it all starts again until you defy them and you are discarded all over again. At least I hope! Anyway, I never got a response from my last text and Im sure exs buddies got on the horn and passed the word that this man was driving my car. What a blessing to have found this site.I was under the spell of a narc for about 10yrs.everything I knew and loved about myself was destroyed by this Man. He does recognize there is a problem with his lack of empathy and admitted to me he fakes that emotion a lot. I block her out and I try to move on. Just to be able to do that after being treated so badly by them, shows us just how special we really are. We have two children together and he is a Deputy, his days with the girls are drop ins. I wanted him to get better. He went on to insult me by calling me crazy and delusional. I will never see my loving daughter again from this mess, as she is studying in France. He texted me as a friend. I made it clear that he could make up any lies he wanted but that anyone with an ounce of intelligence would not believe him. -Overpowering the partner with a loud, yelling voice Once they do, they will start fighting back by creating a trauma bond. Then yesterday, I ran into her coming back from the park and chatted. I dont even know if you desire to changebut I brought it up because often when people are in emotional turmoil, thats what drives them to try to make these kinds of major changes in their lives about how they are interacting with the world. Just the other days one the ladies that works with me said its nice to get the old you back meaning I am just starting to be my old self again and it feels really good. The more constituted him being deported!! He then dragged me by the hair of my head out of our home and locked me out. Why Cant I Just Leave? Turning his family on me . He forgot about the online accounts and when he called a month ago, I let him know I knew where his new address was. She never paid a bill whilst she was there. Ok nw i feel miserable and have to take myself up. He is very prideful too so I thought I would not hear from him either. Thus resulting in devaluation of myself and allowing her to walk over me. I sent my best wishes and he took that as a reason to go one step further. And by the way, everything is a joke to the narcissist. I thought he would leave me alone now, but no, it is almost worse. Imagine how alone youd feel with no support or resources or acknowledgement that narcassism is a real problem. i know that i am releeved and happy. I loathe and love him simultaneously. For the beginning of my adult life that was what I attracted to me. You do an awesome job Kim. He was also very sexual with me yet his girlfriend said they have not had sex yet in 7 months (that comes from her own issues). I dated a true narcissistic woman years before her, and this person hurt me as well, but she was easier to see coming and her meanness made her easier for me to get over her. For them keeping you blocked is just a gesture of stupidity and childishness. There is so much more I could share but I know this has already gone on. When I say Im in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. He was going on with this gay guy. No engagement is the best way to handle this kind of event. they were weeping for validation of their love), I decided their words and action no longer hold much weight. I even feel sad still sometimes when I think of how much I loved him and what I lost. She has a bad cocaine problem, and yes I suppose I did try to control that and get her into rehab. I grew up with narcassism in my family. I am in no way shape or form insinuating that women narcs/borderlines are worse than male narcs. Do they send clues or try to spy to see if you are still alive? When I rebuked him and told him his gf wouldnt like that then he said they werent sexual. Here are 10 things a narcissist does when you start to use No Contact with them: 1. WOW Your story was almost identical to mine except I was going through divorce when that demon Narc targeted me. Omg, we must be the same person because Im mean, Im so mean to him, I treat him like a dog, and I also needed to grow up, this is real life ..not a game he tells me. Even if he sincerely wanted to he would have alot of work to do amd he could t be in a relationship whole he worked thru his issues. But now youre gone, the narcissist misses the ability to control you. That quote is for normal people, not narcissists. So ladies, women can be just as devestaing a Narcissist as a man can! STAY AWAY FROM THEM, THEY MEAN YOU NO GOOD WILL!! Angela we're not done. My no contact has lasted as long as 2 years. I want him out but no success so far. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. He feels comfortable confiding in me and its like getting into the head of a Narc. I was contacted by the narcissist that I divorced in April. Stay strong and maybe think of this way that even strangers like me do care and will listen. He would either claim I was being over-sensitive, change the subject or end up insulting me. My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. That's all the more reason for them to do this is to show people that you're crazy. I kept two years worth of text messages to prove we had a relationship to combat his lies or if he wants to sue me. btw he too found out about their affair later, after he was deported. She did it to me and then came back wanting to talk to me saying I havent been in touch. Theyll disappear for a couple of weeks and then pop up out of the blue and start trying to woo the ex. Years in the beginning of my head out of our home in his life them keeping blocked! 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